Introduction – the why and what

Some twenty years ago a woman decided to have sex with while I was still asleep even though we had agreed beforehand that we weren’t going to have intercourse. It took me quite a long time to come to terms with what happened and how I felt about it, but I finally called it for what it was – rape – and when I did so it became easier to understand and deal with my distrust of women.

I also noticed how many men I talked with told of incidents that by strict definitions were sexually coercive, sexual assault and even rape – yet all of them framed their stories as a bragging story. Remembering how I felt the conflict between “you got lucky” and “I didn’t want that” and how long time it took for me to let what I really felt rather than what I was told/taught to feel “win” I wondered whether they really were lucky or whether they just followed the persuasive script all boys are taught?

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