Some twenty years ago a woman decided to have sex with while I was still asleep even though we had agreed beforehand that we weren’t going to have intercourse. It took me quite a long time to come to terms with what happened and how I felt about it, but I finally called it for what it was – rape – and when I did so it became easier to understand and deal with my distrust of women.

I also noticed how many men I talked with told of incidents that by strict definitions were sexually coercive, sexual assault and even rape – yet all of them framed their stories as a bragging story. Remembering how I felt the conflict between “you got lucky” and “I didn’t want that” and how long time it took for me to let what I really felt rather than what I was told/taught to feel “win” I wondered whether they really were lucky or whether they just followed the persuasive script all boys are taught?

I also began to wonder how common this was, why hadn’t anyone ever told me that this could possible happen – not even once in any talks about rape and the importance of consent I had at school and at home were the possibility of a male victim and a female perpetrator mentioned. Being totally unaware of even the concept of a man being raped by a woman was one of the things making it harder to recognize what happened to me for what it really was.

I quickly discovered that just about the only places I could find discussing rape and seemingly taking victims seriously on the internet were feminists groups and blogs. The only thing was that they gendered rape. Except for the occasional mentioning of male-on-male prison rape rape was also there framed as an exclusively male-on-female crime. Bringing up male victims were to say it mildly not very welcome. Bringing up female perpetrators even less so. Being asked “what would you know about being raped?”, being accused of rationalizing female rape by some sort of argumentum ad absurdum – which means that the person accusing me of that thought male rape is absurd, being told “bu-hu”, reading blog-posts and comments arguing whether situations where a unconsenting man waking up to a woman having sex with him should be considered rape or not all made me realize that there was nothing inherently safe in the title feminist despite numerous pleadings that men need feminism and feminism helps men too.

Nevertheless, I kept searching for information about male victimization and female perpetrators and continued to comment on numerous feminist, MRA and other blogs related to male victimization and gender issues in general.

Some people have suggested that I start a blog to collect some of my comments and findings – hence the name – so here I am starting my first blog that will have more than the Welcome to WordPress first post.

I have been a long time commenter at Feminist Critics and co-blogger ballgame at FC invited me to blog for them as well. I accepted and hence a subset of my posts on this blog will also be posted more or less simultaneously at Feminist Critics.



6 thoughts on “About

  1. Thanks for the head-up Greg Allan. I have started to read it now and will probably read the complete thing over the weekend.

    Some of the problems is already apparent in the introduction:

    Although female sex offending is a serious issue it makes up a very small percentage of all sex offences against children and adults: just under 5% of all offences.

    The forgot to tack tack on “all offences – based on Correctional services data“. This is important because as they write in a subsequent bullet-point:

    Victim/survivors of female-perpetrated sexual abuse do not usually disclose abuse.

    And the fact that they used one of three paragraphs in the conclusion to make the point that men are the predominant perpetrators of sexual violence and how important it is that we keep that in mind makes me question what’s the real agenda behind this report.

    The information contained in this Research Summary can be called upon to repudiate any claims that sexual violence is a crime committed equally by men and women.


  2. “While sexual violence has tended not to be a feature of these debates, its gendered nature (as demonstrated by the statistics) is challenged and undermined when instances of female sex offending are reported in the public domain.”

    This, from the introduction, is particularly worrisome. Surely they aren’t suggesting that media should not report instances of female perpetration or that it should be excluded from any other open discourse.

    Currently there are a couple of government inquiries in progress in Australia relating to institutional abuse. I can’t help wondering if this isn’t a preemptive strike against the likelihood of those inquiries delving into abuse in environments where female perpetrators are likely to be in the majority ie schools and child care settings.

    In the meantime I’ve sent a message to ACSSA asking what it is that motivated this particular report on their part and what purpose they see it as eventually serving. I await their response. Not holding my breath however.

  3. Sorry that I’ve cluttered up your “about” page. You might want to remove this stuff eventually.

    I’ve received a response from the author…

    Thank you for your email, we are always happy to respond to questions.

    We produced this research summary first and foremost as a resource to draw upon as no one paper has ever brought together the current research on female sex offenders. As evidenced in the paper, victims of female sex offending face some unique challenges in accessing support due to disbelief and other issues. It is a small, however important group of victim/survivors who may be falling through the cracks regarding therapeutic support. Additionally, as most victims of female sex offenders are children and/or adolescents, and a high proportion of female sex offenders have a history of sexual abuse victimization, this summary is relevant to the aims of the National Plan to Reduce Violence Against Women and their Children.

    Other issues also motivated the paper, in particular the debate around the equivalence of male and female violence in domestic violence. Australian Bureau of Statistics data clearly demonstrates that equivalence in domestic violence is not the case but debates rage on. Similarly we were interested in the notion that when cases of female sex offenders – particularly teachers – become known there is no resource specifically available to call upon that demonstrates the current research in order to inform.

    As with all our papers, this research summary is designed to synthesise the findings and trends of an area of research. The purpose is to assist policy and practice communities access the evidence base and make choices about which evidence should inform decision-making and policy development.

    I hope I have addressed your queries, however if you have further questions please don’t hesitate to let me know.

  4. Hi Tamen, sorry for posting this here. I suppose I could have waited for an open thread on feminist critics to post, but it’s something that’s bothering me and I just wanted to let someone know what’s happening on GMP. On the bright side, I guess I wrote my first post for the censored discussion. Can you do me a favor and leave a comment, any comment. I’d like to know how the commenting goes. Send me an e-mail to let me know.



  5. Hi Tamen. Very interested in your output here and with respect to your contributions to Ally Fogg’s blog. I’d like to add your blog to our list of recommended blogs and websites, are you based in the UK and/or Ireland or elsewhere so I can put it in the correct category? Feel free to email me at mike@j4mb.org.uk if you prefer. Thanks.

    Mike Buchanan

    (and the women who love them)


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